My Constant Companion, The Darkness.

The big ‘D’ word no-one wants to hear about, and yet we all fight the same battle just in different forms… meet Depression.

It feels like you’re numb all over.

One of the best ways for me to describe how I feel when my good ‘ol friend depression comes to visit me is numb. It’s the oddest feeling. My whole body is numb, but my brain feels fizzy. It’s like when you eat pop rocks. You can feel and hear the fizzy sensation/noise that it makes in your mouth. Now imagine all of that going on inside your mind.

I call my depression The Darkness. When I feel it creeping up I try and get ahead of the game: I buy groceries, wash up all the clothes, clean the house, wash my hair, shave my legs, everything I can think of that I know without a doubt I’m not going to want to do. The Darkness and I are old friends so I know how it plays out, or how it usually plays out. It never fails. You can’t stop it.

Once, a couple of years ago, he hung around for 2-3 weeks. That first week I remember sitting on my couch looking down at the floor. I glanced over at the clock and it was 11 am. When I “blinked” it was 3 pm that fast. I have literally been staring at the floor for 4 hours and I didn’t even realize it. It was as if I blacked out and time was never a factor. I had errands to do and responsibilities to uphold. The Darkness didn’t care.

Before 2020 I could work out harder, increase supplements and water intake, or schedule some days off the go somewhere. All those steps helped me build up my weaponry to fight The Darkness. And it worked… a lot!

But than 2020 happened.

And not just the ‘world is ending’ part. I sold my business, moved from the South to the North for a relationship, adjusting to the relationship and lifestyle (and the weather), stepdad passed away, trying to help run the family business without him AND being 700 miles away, raising a teen, and with all that going I found out that I couldn’t transfer over my massage licenses to my new state. My career, my livelihood, the essence of me, and everything I worked hard and sacrifice for, gone.

That’s where my old friend comes into play. I was able to defeat him up to the point of me not being able to massage. Then he got me. I folded like a delicate, old piece of paper. So here I am. Faking the smile, going with the flow, wishing, and regretting things. I know The Darkness will get bored and let me loose again, but this time it will take a part of me with him. And I am afraid that part is not recoverable. We’ve been friends for 22 years if not longer. I have defeated him, but never got rid of him. Thanks for another one 2020.

Until next time my constant companion.

4 Top Ways to ‘Escape from Reality’ Without Traveling Far.

Grab your keys, your sunglasses, your drink of choice and lets go!

1) “Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt. -John Muir”. Go explore the world around you. Find a trail at a state or local park and just go. I can personally tell you that there is nothing like losing track of time and escaping on a nature trail. Enjoy the the world around you the way is was intended to be. The world was created for us to discover its mysteries along with its beauty. And it literally is at the tips of your fingers.

2) “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”- Bob Marley. There is truly nothing in this world like escaping into the world of music. When you throw on your headphones and block out any and all outside noise… pure bliss. It washes that day, that week, and that months stressors away. You are sent back to a time where life was simple, you felt free, and nothing in the world mattered. Escape and relive that moment.

3) “A good weekend starts with a positive attitude and a great massage.” When the weight of the world is unbearable and you can feel it physically in your body, nothing like getting a really good massage. As a massage therapist myself, I have seen the complete difference in demeanor, attitude, and stress levels with clients after receiving a massage. Escaping with a massage is the most beneficial ‘getaway’ yet and you deserve it.

4) “Really in a mood for a long drive with no real destination”. Nothing like grabbing your keys and just going for a drive. We all have that one road that we are consciously curious about with where it goes and what’s at the end of it. Even if that road offers nothing but perfect views and a sense of wonder, what better way is there to escape than succumbing to your own curiosity. Some of my best moments start with, “I have no idea where we were, but it was gorgeous and much needed.” We all need those kind of moments.

With the uncertainties of tomorrow, it makes it harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 2020 has not failed us in the sense of it providing an on-going series of hellacious events one after another. Where you are in this world, take advantage of your surroundings. It does not have to be an all day adventure. Go and escape until you feel that weight lifted off and that deep breathe finally comes easier for you to take. Leave a comment. What’s your perfect way to escape from your reality?